Necessary Sacrifices
by phoenixtears07
Summary: You cannot bring the dead back to life. Death is final.' Yullen oneshot. Character deaths.


I don't know why but this story kind of came out…blegh. It was so much better while it was floating around in my head.

I swear I am working on Ch. 5 of Sincere Deceptions. I've already written…half of it. Sort of. I'll try to get it out before Dec. 15th because I'll be going to New York for a while and I'm not bringing my computer. Besides, I doubt I will be able to sit at a computer and type while freezing my butt off. Back to the point, I'll get it posted soon…maybe.

This is a song fic. But you can just ignore the lyrics. I thought the song went well with the story and randomly stuck it in…that could be taken in so many wrong ways…but anyway, moving on.

Warnings: angst (I didn't really feel sad while writing it…maybe it's just me), mild gore…if it can be counted as such, slight shounen-ai (very slight), and character death(s)

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man. Nor do I own the song "4AM Forever" by the Lost Prophets.

--

Kanda unhurriedly walked towards the large building that housed the Exorcist Headquarters. The sun had set a couple hours ago, and the teen was in no hurry to face Komui and his annoying antics. Knowing the Supervisor, there was probably a malfunctioning Komurin running rampant and destroying Headquarters at this very moment. Still, the thought of eating soba again after a grueling two-week mission sounded very tempting.

He was tired from his latest mission, and his wounds were not completely healed. The lotus blossom was losing petals at an alarming rate, slowing his healing ability. Ever since the fight against the Wrath of Noah in the Ark, eight more petals had fallen. He knew that he was walking a precarious rope, taking missions with only two petals left, but he had no choice. There were only so many exorcists on hand to fight the endless amounts of akuma. The good news was that the Noah family was dead, so one less obstacle stood in the way of winning the war.

He spared a thought for the disconnected golem in his pocket. He had turned it off to get an undisturbed nap on the train. Turning it on now was pointless since he was already at Headquarters. Breathing a soft sigh of relief, Kanda thought of the hot bath and the comfortable bed waiting for him.

The moment he stepped into Headquarters, he could smell it, the nauseating stench of blood and death permeating the air. Automatically tensing, Kanda unsheathed Mugen and scanned the area.

Everything looked the way it should except for the lack of personnel roaming around and the lack of lighting. Headquarters may have been large, but there was always an air, an aura of life about the place. Now, it held a lifeless quality that made the hairs on the back of his neck rise.

Kanda cautiously made his way further into the dark building, guided by the moonlight shining through the windows. His booted feet made not a sound, and his breathing stayed deep and even, testimony to his constant strict training. A small splash directed his attention to the ground where he had just stepped into a puddle. In such dim light, he couldn't tell what the liquid was.

'Water? The baths are nowhere near here.'

Frowning slightly, the teen bent down and dipped his finger into the oddly thick substance. He brought his hand closer to his face and grimaced when a metallic scent invaded his nostrils. Wiping his fingers on his exorcist coat, he stood and tightened his grip on his Innocence-imbued katana. He followed the trail of blood around the corner and nearly tripped over something.

A body. The white Finder uniform stood out in the darkness. The Japanese teen recognized the Finder from his most recent mission. The Finder had returned to Headquarters ahead of him. Looking further down the hallway, Kanda could make out more bodies sprawled on the ground. He glanced around with wide eyes and raced towards Komui's office.

Kanda was careful not to trip or step on any of the bodies littering the ground. Finder. Scientists. Nurses. Blood pooled on the ground. Splattered onto the walls.

The door to the Supervisor's office was open. Almost like an invitation. Kanda slowed his advance and settled Mugen into an offensive position, ready to slice anyone or anything that would try to attack. Standing in the open doorway, the first thing he saw was Reever and other members of the Science Department. Dull, glassy eyes stared at him, accused him, mocked him.

He didn't see Komui or anyone wearing the dark exorcist coat. Gritting his teeth, he turned away and shoved down the rising panic. In the corner of his eye, he saw something. A huge crack and claw marks gouged into the wall.

Kanda followed the trail of destruction that got steadily worse the farther he went. It led to a large room. The room all the exorcists, minus General Cross, stood in that day when the news was given that Moyashi was the Fourteenth Noah.

Heart pounding, he saw them. The exorcists. The Generals. Komui. All dead. And, in the middle of the room stood Allen with his back to Kanda. The white haired teen had his head bowed and his shoulders shook, but he made no sound.

Swallowing hard, Kanda took another step into the room. "Moyashi? What the fuck happened?"

Allen tensed but didn't turn around. He softly whispered, "They're all dead."

"I'm not blind, idiot! What the fuck _happened_? Why the hell is everyone dead?"

The white haired teen's shoulders shook again.

"Damn it! Stop crying and answer me. Did the Earl attack?"

"Nope."

The cheerful tone caught Kanda off guard. The beansprout should be weeping and blaming himself for all the deaths, not speaking with an amused tone. "You're not Moyashi. Who are you?"

"Me? I'm Allen."

"Liar. Why don't you turn around and tell me that to my face."

The white haired person obediently turned around and Kanda nearly dropped Mugen in surprise. The same white hair only stained red with blood. The same face. The same voice.

"_**Like I said, I am Allen. Just not the one you're expecting."**_

Tanned skin. Gold eyes. Seven crosses lined across the forehead.

"You…"

**"_Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Allen Walker and I am the Fourteenth Noah."_**

_Yesterday I lost my closest friend  
Yesterday I wanted time to end  
I wonder if my heart will ever mend  
I just let you slip away  
4 AM forever_

**"_It was so much fun killing all those people. I guess I somehow overlooked you in all the excitement. Care to play with me, Exorcist?"_**

"What happened to Allen?"

The Noah smiled. A twisted version of the sweet smiles Allen gave to others so easily. _**"I am Allen."**_

Kanda gritted his teeth. "You said that you're not the one I was expecting."

**"_Oh, that. The Allen you're looking for isn't here anymore."_ **The Fourteenth licked his lips. _**"It was fun, eating away at his personality until there is only me left in this body."**_

'_Stop lying.'_

**'_You're still awake?'_**

'_Give me back my body.'_

**'_No. I'll kill this exorcist then I'll go kill the Millennium Earl.'_**

'_Stop! You've already slaughtered the entire Order. Don't kill Kanda!'_

**'_Why? Are you attached to him? Heh. We Noah have no need for human emotions. We live to kill.'_**

'_I don't want to kill.'_

**'_You kill akuma.'_**

'_To free the trapped souls.'_

**'_Then I will free the soul of this exorcist. Perhaps you will thank me one day for freeing _you_ of frivolous things like emotions and attachments.'_**

'_Don't!'_

The Noah eyed the Japanese teen, who had not moved. _**"Well, Exorcist. Shall we begin?"**_

He held his left hand in front of himself. _**"Innocence invocation. Crown Clown."**_

The white cowl and silver mask appeared, shining with an unearthly glow. Then what looked like black electricity sparked and the glowing cowl dimmed and turned a dirty gray. The gleaming silver mask tarnished. The sharp black claws dulled and spider web veins appeared, trailing up the entire arm. Tainted Innocence.

Kanda's eyes widened. "You're a Noah. How can you invocate Innocence?"

**"_As you can see, I can invocate but I cannot use the thing to it's full potential. Nor can I call upon the sword. But it should be enough to kill you."_**

The Japanese teen took a stance. Mugen's sharp blade glinted in the moonlight. "Che."

_Maybe I'll never see you smile again  
Maybe you thought that it was all pretend;  
All these words that I could never say  
I just let them slip away  
4 AM forever_

They began their deadly dance. Innocence versus tainted Innocence. Exorcist versus Noah.

The Noah blocked a strike. _**"You're pretty good. The other exorcists weren't a challenge. They just stood there and kept asking 'why?' It was getting annoying. Even the so called Generals were easy prey. Maybe because I killed them as they slept, but no one ever said that we Noah have to play fair."**_

'_Kanda!'_

**'_He can't hear you calling for him.'_**

'_I don't care. I won't let you kill him. Kanda!'_

Again and again, katana met claws. Kanda had already activated his second illusion and wielded two identical Mugen.

The Noah glimpsed an opening and struck out.

'_No!'_

The claws stopped a few millimeters away from piercing the exorcist's skin and into his heart.

Kanda's breath caught at both the close call and the flash of silver in the golden eyes.

The Fourteenth looked surprised and a little confused. He withdrew his left arm and leapt back putting distance between him and the Japanese.** _"How odd."_**

**'_You're in my way. This is _my_ body now so stop interfering.'_**

'_Never. I couldn't save the others, but I'll save Kanda. I won't let you win.'_

**'_I already have, Allen Walker.'_**

'_That's not true since I'm still here.'_

**'_Why? Did I not kill your loved ones? Why do you continue to cling to this filthy world? Is it the human in front of me? Is _he_ the one you love most?'_**

'…'

**'_Well, if that is the case, then I'll kill him and with his death, your last tie to this forsaken place will be broken. Then I will have truly won.'_**

'…_Kanda…he won't die. He _can't_ die.'_

**'_We'll see.'_**

The dark haired teen smirked slightly. "So, Moyashi _is_ still in there somewhere."

**"_Heh. Maybe. Maybe not. Come and find out for yourself, Exorcist."_**

_Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you  
Why don't you listen when I try to make it through to you  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Goodbye, you never know  
Hold a little tighter  
4 AM forever_

Kanda struggled to take in enough oxygen with every labored breath. His arms felt like lead and his vision blurred for a moment. His previous wounds had reopened and the loss of blood added to his fatigue. As much as he hated to admit it, the Noah was winning. The white haired bastard was standing fifteen feet away snickering at him.

The teen closed his eyes and prepared to activate his third illusion. This may kill him but if things continued as they were, he was going to die anyway. Might as well take that arrogant bastard of a Noah with him to the grave.

A sudden burst of power from the exorcist made the smile on the Fourteenth's face falter for a moment. Golden eyes narrowed. _**"Why don't you just die, already? If you stay still, I'll make your death as painless as possible…if getting your guts ripped out is painless."**_

The Noah flexed the Innocence claws, prepared to continue the battle. He dodged the first slash from Mugen. Parry. Dodge. Duck. Parry. He patiently waited for the human to tire. Cruel grin never leaving his face, the Noah snickered as Kanda's attacks slowed a little at a time. Each strike a fraction slower than the previous.

Kanda gritted his teeth as he timed every swing of his katana, waiting for the Noah to make a mistake.

And he did. The Fourteenth underestimated the Japanese exorcist and lowered his defense. Seeing the opening, Kanda maneuvered closer to the Noah and swung Mugen at the vulnerable throat. Golden eyes widened in surprise, the grin gone from his face.

Crimson liquid pooled onto the ground. Silence reigned until a wet cough cut through the still air. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth.

Allen wrestled back control of his body from the Noah. Dark skin paled. The crosses vanished. Gold eyes gave way to watery silver.

Kanda raised a shaking hand to wipe the wetness from Allen's face. "Moyashi…"

_Maybe one day when I can move along  
Maybe someday when you can hear this song  
You won't let it slip away  
4 AM forever_

The white haired teen choked back a sob as he pulled his claws out of the Japanese teen's abdomen. "K-Kanda."

The tip of Mugen was a mere hairsbreadth from piercing Allen's throat. The katana clattered to the floor as it slipped from its master's numb fingers.

Allen caught Kanda as his legs gave out. The white haired boy gently lowered them to the floor and pressed his hand to the fatal wound. "Why? Why didn't you kill me?"

"…I don't know."

"The bleeding won't stop. You can heal yourself, can't you?"

"No. Not anymore. I won't heal this time."

Allen's voice cracked. "Why not? When we had our first mission together, you were completely healed in three days when it should have taken months. How many petals do you have left?"

Kanda coughed blood. "…The last one is about to fall."

Silver eyes widened. "No…no, you can't die. You're Kanda. You're not supposed to die."

"I'm human, aren't I? Humans die."

Allen wasn't sure when the tears started falling, but he found his vision blurry and his chest tight with emotions. "You can't die!"

"Why not? Why the fuck are you crying?"

"Because I don't want to lose you. You can't die because I love you."

Kanda tensed slightly before closing his eyes. He felt cold. "Che. I hate everything about you."

The white haired exorcist winced at the sharp twist in his chest the words caused. "Kanda…"

"I hate that I can't hate you. I hate that you like sweet things. I hate the feelings I get when I see you." He coughed again. "I hate that I was relieved when I saw you weren't dead like the others. I didn't even care that they were dead. I just wanted to find you, to make sure that you were alive…I hate that I love you…I hate that it is considered a sin, forcing me to keep my distance."

Allen clung to Kanda sobbing into the bloodstained coat. "Don't die. Please don't die, Kanda."

"…Moyashi…don't let that bastard win…if you do…I swear I'll…kill you…"

"Kanda. Kanda!"

He shook the dark haired teen but there was no response. Not a breath.

Allen could feel the Fourteenth attempting to take control again, but he resisted. A thought came to mind, and he felt a sliver of hope. He picked up Kanda and called forth a door to the Ark. It was supposed to grant him his wishes. The Ark may be able to bring Kanda back like it did before.

He carefully laid Kanda on the couch and went to the piano and played the Musician's melody. Over and over he played the lullaby wishing for the Ark to return Kanda to him.

**'_It is impossible. Even the Ark cannot reverse death.'_**

'_I don't believe you. Not when you wanted Kanda dead.'_

**'_And he is. You cannot bring the dead back to life. Death is final.'_**

Allen ignored the Noah. For over an hour he stood and played until the keys were slick with tears and blood, both his and Kanda's, but nothing changed. Frustrated, he slammed his hands on the keys. The discordant sound echoed in the white room.

He screamed to the silent walls. "Why?! Why won't give him back? You're supposed to grant my wish, aren't you?"

**'_Let me out.'_**

"No."

**'_I wish to kill the Earl.'_**

Allen clenched his fists in anger. "Why? Why do you hate the Earl? What reason does a Noah have to hate him?"

**'…'**

"Well? Why do you want to kill him? For power?"

**'_For Mana.'_**

Shock replaced his anger. "Mana…"

**'_For my older brother who the Earl wished to kill.'_**

Allen slowly sat down. Shaken by the Noah's words.

**'_So, I will kill the Earl. For Mana. That is why I chose to implant my memories in you.'_**

"Me?"

**'_You who holds the heart. The most powerful Innocence fragment. If I used the heart along with my Noah powers, I should be able to kill the Earl. Let me out..'_**

"No. I won't let you kill anyone else."

The white haired exorcist looked at Kanda and felt more tears prick his eyes. He got up and moved to kneel next to the couch. He grabbed a fistful of Kanda's coat and buried his face into the cold chest. "Mana. Kanda…why can't I protect the ones I love most? Why couldn't I save you?"

_And I wish the sun would never come  
It's 4 AM and you are gone  
I hope you know you're letting go  
It's 4 AM and I'm alone_

"Yuu Kanda. Would you like me to resurrect him for you?"

Allen tensed and his head whipped up to see a grinning, leering face. He spoke through gritted teeth. "Millennium Earl."

**'_KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!'_**

The light glinted off the round spectacles hiding malicious eyes. "Such anger. Do you hate me, Allen Walker?"

"I would like to say that I do not hate anyone, but truthfully, I cannot help _but_ hate you, Earl. You have ruined countless lives. Tormented too many souls. I cannot forgive you." Allen raised his left arm. Unnervingly calm. "I cannot allow you to continue your sins. I _will_ stop you here and now. Crown Clown!"

The glowing cowl wrapped around him and the silver mask fitted itself on his face. Allen had enough sense to open a doorway behind the Earl before attacking.

The Earl laughed and leapt through the door. Allen followed into the white city of Noah's Ark.

'_I won't let you take control of my body, but please help me. You wish to fight for Mana. I wish to fight for my precious people. For Kanda. Lend me your power.'_

**'_Why should I? I could take control of your body again and fight the Earl myself.'_**

'_You can't use the Innocence to its full potential like I can. But, I don't think I can win with only Crown Clown, so I need your help. More that that, this is the path I choose to take. I will move forward like Mana wanted me to. I won't stop. I will fulfill my destiny as the Destroyer of Time. Please, lend me your power. Together, we will defeat the Millennium Earl for the ones we love.'_

**'…_Very well.'_**

Allen felt the crosses etch themselves into his forehead. He stood opposite the Earl, a serious expression on his pale face and determination in his mismatched eyes. One silver the other gold.

The white haired exorcist held his left wrist and formed the Sword of Exorcism. "Everything will end here, Earl."

The Earl held his own sword. "Filthy, rotten sheep, helping the exorcists."

Two swords, mirror opposites of each other, clashed.

_Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you  
Why don't you listen when I try to make it through to you  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Goodbye, you never knew  
Hold a little tighter_

Allen stumbled through the doorway into the Fourteenth's room and promptly collapsed. He fought for breath and dragged his battered, broken body towards Kanda, leaving a trail of blood.

It was done. The Millennium Earl was dead, at the cost of Crown Clown and his left arm. With the heart destroyed, all the Innocence fragments were gone as well.

The white haired teen sat against the couch to catch his breath. The Noah had quieted down with the defeat of the Earl. But, Allen couldn't rest. Not yet. There were still things to do.

He ran the melody through his mind, concentrating on his wish. After a few moments, the first of many explosions rocked the Ark as the elegant white city collapsed on itself. This way, no one would be able to use the Ark for their own gains. Only the Earl knew the location of the black Ark, but that couldn't be helped.

As for the akuma, Allen closed his eyes and fought back the tears. Without Innocence, there was no way for the souls trapped within the machines to be freed. Only one solution came to his mind.

Allen pulled on the Noah's power and reached out for the mental pathway that connects all akuma. It would be simple. After all, akuma were programmed to obey the Earl and the Noah clan. They would not go against even a traitorous Noah's command.

**"I am the Fourteenth Noah. My order is for all akuma to self-destruct immediately."**

A sob escaped when he felt the connections cut off with every akuma that self-destructed. Even if this would save countless lives, so many souls were being destroyed.

There had been far too many sacrifices for this war. But then, every sacrifice up until now had been necessary.

Many finders were killed while holding back the akuma from killing anyone else, waiting for an exorcist to came and save them.

The exorcists, themselves. The soldiers of life. Chosen by Innocence to participate in a war they never asked to be a part of.

Mana's death and resurrection as an akuma occurred for Allen's Innocence to awaken.

Kanda. His death gave Allen the strength to regain control of his body from the Fourteenth.

The Innocence heart was destroyed in order to defeat the Millennium Earl.

The souls attached to the akuma. Sacrificed for the sake of the living, both present and future. For them to live in a safer world free of the Millennium Earl's threat.

Allen leaned his head back next to Kanda's and sighed, giving in to his fatigue. His white hair twining with the Japanese teen's black strands.

As the room collapsed, neither of its occupants reacted.

_Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you  
Why don't you listen when I try to make it through to you  
Goodbye, goodbye  
_

Some distance away, watching Noah's Ark collapse, Cross Marian stood on Grave of Maria. He blew out a trail of cigarette smoke. Timcanpy fluttered around his head.

"Aren't you worried about your apprentice?"

The red haired man looked down at the person that spoke. "Should I be? It wouldn't make a difference either way. If he's in the Ark right now, it would be because it's his choice to fall with it. He's stupid like that."

"How caring."

"Idiot is a martyr. He was going to die anyway. At least this way, he has a choice of how he's going to go. What about your lover?"

"You know about that?"

"I saw you slip in while the Fourteenth was having fun slaughtering. With his master dead, he is Bookman now."

"He is badly injured but he'll live. I won't stop him from pursuing his duty as Bookman. I'll just support him from the sidelines."

"Bookman shouldn't have a heart."

"And Noahs aren't supposed to be able to fall in love. And here I am, in love with a human. He makes me _want_ to be human."

"Heh. Homosexuality is a sin."

"I have killed plenty of people. Committed many sins. What's one more? And you? What are you going to do now that the war is over."

"I'll put Maria to rest. Then I'll go rack up some debts for the fun of it."

"Charming."

The Noah of Pleasure heard Cross leave, but he didn't turn from the sight of the toppling white Ark.

"The Wrath of Noah is the most pitiable of the Noah clan. Unable to control his anger. But… the Fourteenth is the most tragic. He was never truly considered a member of the family. An oddity that shouldn't have existed, but exist he did."

He watched the sun crest over the horizon and decided it was time to return to injured lover's side. The Noah clan is a part of the past now. That chapter of his life has ended and it was time to start a new one.

"Goodnight, _shounen_."

_Goodbye, you never knew_

_Hold a little tighter_

_4 AM forever_

--

Yeah…I can't write actions scenes for the life of me, so I just sort of skipped around them.

You know, after reading through it, I think this could be a possible prequel to Promises to Keep. I didn't intend it to be, but hey, whatever.

And I still don't like the story. Maybe because of the different style. I'm used to using dialogue to get my point across and this has too much description in it.

The point of the fic is to make people cry. If you did, then great. Here's a tissue. If you didn't…well, I don't blame you because I didn't either.


End file.
